Yearning to Heal: A Journey Through Unthinkable Loss and Suffering

October 3, 2024

By Melissa Hull

Finding Meaning in the Depths of Grief

Losing a child is a grief like no other; it’s a relentless ache that defies time, logic, and even the boundaries of life and death. It’s a journey through darkness, where the compass of our souls spins wildly, seeking solace, understanding, and trauma healing.

In this raw and personal exploration, I invite you to walk alongside me as we delve into the depths of yearning, the primal ache that accompanies loss and discover how a psycho-spiritual approach can illuminate our path toward healing.

The Unyielding Bond of Love

“Love never dies.”

My son’s name was Drew, a bright-eyed, curious little boy who left this world too soon at the tender age of just 4. His smile and laughter still echo in my heart, and his absence reverberates through every moment of my life. The love I have for him transcends time and space. It’s a love that defies death, a bond unbreakable by the cruel hands of fate.

Drew’s Light: Drew loved to be outside. His eyes sparkled as he played outside, climbing trees and running through the open fields near our home. I never thought for a moment that being outside playing in our yard would lead to his death.

When he drowned in a fateful accident, my world shattered. But his light lives on. I yearn for him, to see his smile, hear his laughter, and feel his tiny hand in mine. I’ve come to understand that my yearning for him isn’t a weakness; it’s a testament to the depth of our love and the enduring impact of child loss grief.

The Silent Bond of Bereaved Parents

“Bereaved parents share an unspeakable bond.”

In the aftermath of loss, I stumbled into a fellowship of broken hearts. Strangers became friends in mere seconds. A glance, a nod, a shared tear, our souls recognize each other. We understood the agony of enduring the death of a child. It’s a pain we carry for a lifetime, etched into our very being.

The Power of Connection: In my grief support groups, we sit in circles, sharing stories of our children. Their names, once difficult to say, now flow freely. We speak of their quirks, their dreams, their favorite toys. And in these moments, we find a safe and welcoming place where we can connect, be seen, heard, and understood.

The Unending Grief

“I will grieve your absence for a lifetime.”

There’s no moving on, no getting over it, but you can move forward. Child loss grief isn’t a finite event; it’s a continuous loss that unfolds minute by minute.

Every missed birthday, every milestone, should-be back-to-school years and graduations, our hearts ache. My son’s life was cut short, but my love for him endures. It’s a love that defies time, stretching across eternity.

Drew’s Absence: I’ve imagined Drew at milestones he’ll never reach. His first day of school, awkward teenage years, and someday, the birth of his own child. These are the moments stolen from us. But I yearn to honor him also, to live fully, to love fiercely, and to find meaning in the pain.

Making Meaning: A Healing Journey

“To let go of grief and trauma, you must find meaning in your suffering.”

I’ve learned that trauma healing isn’t about forgetting; it’s about transforming. I yearn to make sense of my son’s death, to learn what it can teach me. Inside my quest for meaning, I’ve discovered resilience, compassion, and a deeper connection to my faith and spiritual life.

Lessons from the Abyss:

Compassion: I’ve become gentler with myself and others. We all carry hidden wounds.
Resilience: My broken heart didn’t shatter me; it made me stronger.
Spiritual Connection: I’ve glimpsed eternity—the thin veil between worlds.

Our Yearning Can Guide the Way Forward

Yearning isn’t a weakness; it’s the echo of love. As I navigate child loss grief, I choose to honor Drew’s memory. I yearn for trauma healing—for myself, for all bereaved parents, and for anyone who carries loss within.

Our yearning becomes a beacon, guiding us toward meaning, resilience, and the light beyond the darkness.

“Drew, my sweet boy, I yearn for you. And in that yearning, I find my way back to life.” I love you to infinity and beyond… mom