Exposing The “Unspoken” Behaviors and Coping Strategies of Grief

By Melissa Hull 

Grief is a complex journey, and while many people find constructive ways to navigate it, others may inadvertently fall into unhealthy grief behaviors. Grief is a subject that most people don’t spend much time thinking about until it arrives at their doorstep.  

Grief makes us uncomfortable, we don’t like spending time thinking about death and dying but it’s a subject we can’t outrun exploring indefinitely. Taking time to familiarize ourselves with this uncomfortable subject is vital to understanding and supporting ourselves or someone we love when grief comes into their/our lives.

Today I think it’s important to explore some lesser-discussed behaviors and coping mechanisms that can negatively impact the bereaved. 

 

1. Negative Coping

• What Is It? Negative coping involves behaviors that provide temporary relief but hinder true healing. These may include excessive substance use, isolation, overeating, procrastination, or other distractions. Such unhealthy grief behaviors can obstruct the healing process.
• Why It’s Destructive: Negative coping numbs pain temporarily but prevents emotional processing, leading to prolonged anxiety and emotional distress1.

2. Maladaptive Grief

• What Is It?: Maladaptive grief encompasses over-the-top emotions and self-destructive behaviors following loss due to trauma. It can manifest as avoidance, denial, or catastrophizing.
• Why It’s Harmful: Maladaptive grief prolongs suffering and jeopardizes emotional, mental, and physical well-being2.

Seeking grief counseling can help individuals navigate these challenging emotions.

3. Avoidance and Suppression

• Avoidance: Some avoid reminders of loss, suppressing emotions to maintain control. However, this delays healing.
• Why It’s Detrimental: Avoidance prevents necessary emotional processing and can lead to unresolved grief. Engaging in trauma healing coaching can provide tools to face these emotions constructively.

4. Idealization and Rumination

• Idealization: Elevating the deceased to perfection can hinder acceptance of their flaws and the reality of their loss.
• Rumination: Constantly replaying memories can intensify grief, preventing forward movement. Addressing these patterns in grief counseling can help break the cycle.

5. Comparative Grief

• What Is It? Comparing your grief to others can lead to guilt or invalidation of your pain.
• Why It’s Destructive: Each person’s grief is unique; comparisons undermine self-compassion. Trauma healing coaching can foster a deeper understanding of personal grief journeys.

6. Emotional Avoidance

• What Is It?: Suppressing emotions to avoid discomfort.
• Why It’s Harmful: Emotions demand acknowledgment; avoidance prolongs suffering. Professional support, like grief counseling, can facilitate emotional acknowledgment and healing.

7. Self-Blame and Guilt

• Self-Blame: Believing you could have prevented the loss.
• Guilt: Feeling responsible for the pain.
• Impact: These emotions hinder healing and self-compassion. Confronting these feelings through trauma-healing coaching can help one move forward.

8. Disconnection from Support Networks

• Isolation: Withdrawing from friends and family.
• Why It’s Detrimental: Isolation exacerbates grief and prevents healing. Overcoming unhealthy grief behaviors involves reconnecting with support networks.

9. Unrealistic Expectations

• Expecting Closure: Grief doesn’t follow a linear path; closure may not come.
• Why It’s Harmful: Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment and frustration. Grief counseling can help set realistic expectations for the grieving process.

10. Avoiding Reminders

• What Is It? Avoiding places, objects, or activities associated with the deceased.
• Impact: While natural initially, long-term avoidance hinders acceptance and healing. Trauma healing coaching can assist in safely confronting these reminders.

Remember, grief is multifaceted, and everyone copes differently. Acknowledge these behaviors, seek professional help if needed, and extend compassion to yourself and others. 🌟