how to gain confidence in yourself, how to gain self-confidence, gain confidence in yourself, confidence, self-confidence, self-esteem, build confidence, build self-esteem, how to improve self-esteem, melissa hull

If you want to learn how to gain confidence in yourself, start by taking a deeper look. Because unlocking true and lasting confidence in an inside job.


When we talk about confidence, we often don’t realize what we’re actually talking about is the trust we have in ourselves. 

You see, a lack of confidence is really a lack of trust … in our capabilities, in our resilience, in who we are

Sometimes fear can affect this relationship with ourselves. Other times it might be trauma. But however you look at it, a lack of confidence comes from a lack of trust in ourselves

So let’s take a deeper look at self-confidence – and what it takes to gain confidence in yourself, even when you’re scared or unsure. 

Because I promise it’s not as big of a step as you think it is.

The Key To Gaining Confidence In Yourself

The key to confidence is small steps. It comes when you make small promises to yourself and keep them. 

When you can make a promise to yourself, keep it, and be consistent in keeping it, you will start to build a trusting relationship with yourself. Confidence comes as a result of that relationship. 

You see, confidence isn’t given; it’s created

It’s like a muscle, a skill, a practice. And you can strengthen your resolve in it through personal discipline. When you make a promise and keep it, over and over, that’s when you begin to gain confidence in your abilities, in your contributions, and in the way you see yourself. 

You become less reliant on the need for others’ approval because you already know how to be that support for yourself. 

You begin to build that trust from within

That’s the most important component of any type of confidence: your relationship with yourself

Learn how to gain confidence in yourself with the Iconic Woman Course.

How To Gain Confidence Where It’s Lacking 

If you feel like you lack confidence in a certain area, it’s important to take a look at your commitment to that area. Are you really willing to take small steps every day, to build trust with yourself? 

For example, maybe you’re trying to reach a financial goal. Every year, you look at one account and say: This is the year I’m going to save more money. But every time you see an ad from your favorite brands, you inevitably spend what you should be saving. 

What’s the result of that? 

The result is you will continue to feel that same way every time you look at your account. You will continue to have a lack of confidence in your ability to create a stable future. Those are the very feelings that, over time, create a deeper belief in scarcity and self-doubt.

If you’re not confident in your ability to do the small things, like put a small amount of money away each month, then you won’t develop the confidence in your ability to accomplish bigger dreams, like acquiring true wealth. 

Confidence comes when you make the promise of small change – and keep it

So start by asking yourself what area of your life or business you’d like to feel more confident in. Then ask yourself what small, consistent step you’re willing to take in order to get there. 

Be honest. Start small. And don’t break that promise for anyone or anything. 

Grow Confidence Into Courage

While confidence builds with small actions over time, courage is what you feel when the confidence starts to add up – when you start to trust yourself to take the big leaps of faith, too. 

Courage comes when you’re finally ready and willing to step out of your comfort zone and surprise yourself

For example, when I started my speaking career, it required me to have confidence in my message, and then summon the courage to share it. 

If you know me you know I can talk and talk until the cows come home, but I wondered if I could still do that in a professional setting when all eyes are on me. Could I still have the same conviction that my words are valuable, meaningful, and worthwhile? 

At that point in my life, my inner confidence told me: YES. 

So I just had to do it. I had to trust that relationship with myself, draw on that inner strength, and summon the courage

As I took that first step on stage, my hands might have been shaking and my voice might have quivered at first – but when I walked off that stage, I’d discovered more of myself because I had the courage to try. 

It takes confidence to believe in your message, but it takes courage to step on that stage and deliver it. 

Whether it was a raving success, or even a less desirable outcome, stepping out onto that stage is a confidence-building experience. After all, even failure is an honor reserved only for those who try

So next time something scares you, ask yourself: Is this an opportunity for me to grow my confidence into courage? Learn how to gain confidence in yourself with the Iconic Woman Course.

Bottom Line: Gaining Self-Confidence Is An Inside Job

If you want to learn how to gain confidence in yourself, remember this: When you are in the practice of making promises to yourself – call it a promise, a goal or a boundary – you’re creating trust in yourself. 

Every time you achieve your goal or enforce your boundary, you’re fortifying that trust, building it into confidence and courage and inner strength

Those small steps lead to big leaps and transformational change. Over time, you begin to see that you are capable and worthy, that you have a valuable contribution to make. And you won’t let anyone or any situation derail that. 

After all, confidence is an inside job – and you’ve done the work. Now no one can take that from you.

Ready To Take Action?

Learning how to gain confidence in yourself is not a quick fix. It takes time and support.

I’ve been working on this practice for over 20 years, and I’ve learned quite a few tools, techniques and mindsets along the way. 

I share all my best strategies for navigating life’s toughest moments inside of my membership community. You can even find a video course on this exact topic that includes everything you need for self-discovery and empowered action. 

All you have to do is show up for the journey