Are you setting healthy boundaries – or unhealthy boundaries? Here’s how to tell the difference.
Healthy and empowering boundaries are about honoring your truth and your voice.
They’re about creating and holding space.
They’re a sign that you’re so sure of who you are that no one has the ability to disrupt your internal world.
Healthy boundaries are designed to sustain your inner peace.
And the more clear you are on your boundaries, the more willing you are to communicate them to others.
Once you do that, you will quickly find more ease and flow in your daily life.
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
Before we can learn to set healthy boundaries, we must learn to identify unhealthy boundaries.
When our boundaries are unhealthy, it can show up as people-pleasing, where we allow others to violate our trust and our needs, in exchange for their validation.
You know your boundaries are being crossed when another person disrespects your time, viewpoints, emotional self, belongings, property, and more. They seek to diminish or invalidate who you are as a person.
Those are excellent indicators that we haven’t yet established healthy, empowered boundaries that honor your inner world.
Ready to take a deeper look at your own boundaries? According to Dr. Nicole LePera, unhealthy boundaries can be too rigid – or too loose.
Unhealthy Boundaries: Rigid
- Few intimate or close relationships
- Fear of rejection
- Difficulty asking for help
- Fiercely private
Unhealthy Boundaries: Loose
- Compulsive people-pleasing
- Self-worth defined by others’ opinions
- Inability to say no to invitations or requests from others
- Tendency to overshare private information
- Chronic desire to fix, please, save or rescue others
Signs of Healthy Boundaries
Now, you might be wondering: If that’s what unhealthy boundaries look like, then what do healthy boundaries look like?
You’ll know your boundaries are healthy when external situations, people and experiences no longer disrupt your inner harmony.
When you have the space to be who you are without apology, then you are enjoying healthy boundaries.
If your relationships with yourself, others and the world fill you up, then your boundaries are supporting you instead of draining you.
Here’s how I know I’ve set a healthy boundary:
- It starts with a clear intention and communication.
- It honors your own positive and empowered belief system.
- It helps you hold onto your personal power.
- It elevates the outcomes of situations and relationships.
- It opens and strengthens your connection to your heart.
- It clears the limits that separate you from others.
- It makes you feel physically and emotionally supported.
According to Dr. LePera, healthy boundaries are not too rigid, not too loose – they’re flexible.
Healthy Boundaries: Flexible
- Knows and values own thoughts, opinions and beliefs
- Communicates needs to others
- Shares personal information appropriately
- Consistently says “no” when needed, and accepts others doing the same
- Regulates emotions, allowing others to express themselves
What Do Healthy Boundaries Look Like?
We all know setting boundaries can be difficult at times, especially when another person chooses not to receive them well.
So why is it so important to commit to healthy boundaries – even when it’s tough?
Boundaries are not for other people, they are for you.
They are simply personal limits you express to make others aware of your needs, so they can be met.
Because you deserve that at the very least!
Setting a boundary is something we do for ourselves regardless of what the other person does or how they react. It’s one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves, as well as everyone else in our lives.
Are You Ready For Healthy Boundaries?
If you’re ready to start setting healthy boundaries, I have two crucial questions for you:
- Understanding where your boundaries are today, what would you like to change about yourself to have healthier personal boundaries tomorrow?
- What would this change require of you?
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I’ve been working on this practice for over 20 years, and I’ve learned quite a few tools, techniques and mindsets along the way.
I share all my best strategies for navigating life’s toughest moments inside of my membership community.
You can even find a video course on this exact topic that includes everything you need for self-discovery and empowered action.
All you have to do is show up for the journey.